Still queasy after too much seasonal food and sherry? Post-Christmas credit card bill just rolled in? Good – you’re in exactly the right frame of mind for the 2015 Gongs In Travel, my utterly uncoveted and arbitrary awards that honour the sour cream of the corporate travel industry. So without further ado...
The Jam off the Cohen Family Dining Table Award for Services No Longer Rendered to Business Travel Journalism
(Sponsor: Tiptree)
WINNER: IATA for New Distribution Capability (NDC)
The hottest topic of 2013 rapidly became the yawn of 2014, partly because nearly everyone reached agreement over how NDC should proceed, but mainly because its room clearing complexity made most folk too bored to care.
The Jam on the Cohen Family Dining Table Award for Services Newly Rendered to Business Travel Journalism
(Sponsor: Hartley's)
WINNER's: Airbnb and Uber
I bet you thought the phrase ‘sharing economy’ meant ordering a smaller tin of Quality Street for Christmas. Now we all know those two words mean Airbnb-this and Uber-that, and no business travel article or conference is complete without them – complete Uberkill, in fact.
The Janus Cup for Double Standards
WINNER: British Airways
BA still campaigns about the unfairness of increases in Air Passenger Duty (APD), yet the airline went strangely silent when I asked it to spell out how much it has whacked up fuel surcharges over the past decade. On my recent BA ticket to Berlin, APD was £13, but the “carrier imposed surcharge”, as it is now called, was £37. The price of crude oil had fallen 30 per cent in five months, but has BA reduced its surcharge? Take a guess...
The Morecambe and Wise Award for Comedy Duo of the Year
WINNERS: Michael O’Leary and Sir Tim Clark
The highlight of the GBTA Europe conference in Berlin was Ryanair’s O’Leary ambling on stage late for his double billing with Emirates’ Sir Tim, proclaiming: “It’s such a great honour to be sitting here in the long shadow of a knight of the realm. As is normal for us Irish guys, I’ve been holding his horse and polishing his armour outside for the last 20 minutes.” In fact, the gobby one had just arrived that minute from the airport.
The Sir Bruce Forsyth GoldenToupée for Long-Running Serviceto Comedy in Travel
WINNER: Berlin Brandenburg Airport
The columnist’s gift that keeps on giving, Berlin’s showpiece airport is now more than four years behind schedule, with most recent estimates for its opening being pushed back to 2017 at least. Now the mayor has admitted the airport’s not big enough anyway, and has asked for another €3.2 billion, including €500k each for a statue of Willy Brandt and a 60m flagpole. The burghers of Berlin may well have some ideas about where he can stick the latter.
The Right Slogan, Wrong Brand Award
WINNER: Sixt for ‘Feel the Motion’
Come on guys, surely that’s borrowed from a Whitworths prunes campaign reject list? Makes me think of Barack Obama’s ‘Yes We Can’, which I always believed made more sense for John West fisheries.
The Jose Mourinho Cashmere Coat Award for Quotability
WINNER: Dean Forbes, KDS
There’s only one thing KDS’s CEO loves more than his Neo booking tool and that’s sticking it to rival Concur. Last year, Dean won this category (or would have done if I’d dreamed it up at the time) for rubbishing his competitor’s open booking concept as “failure dressed up as innovation”. This year he described Concur’s acquisition by SAP thus: “When two elephants mate, you do not get a racehorse.” Give that man his own TV show.