In a bid to appear squeaky clean while making a proposition for the Daily Telegraph, Richard Desmond has now sold his stable of top-shelf magazines. Does this mean he has had as much criticism as he can bare? And in the same vein, one of the footballers released from a Spanish goal is called Paul Dickov. If found guilty his sentence could be the removal of a certain personal feature.
And whilst some readers may have heard this one before it is new to ABTN and therefore worth airing.
At a recent computer exposition Bill Gates said "If General Motors had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving USD25.00 cars that go 1000 miles to the gallon."
GM then issued a press release stating the following:
”If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway announced. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all the windows, switch off, restart the car and reopen the windows before you could continue.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive ” but would only run on 5% of roads.
The airbag system would ask "are you sure?" before deploying.
Occasionally for no reason your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna. Every time we at GM introduced a new car you would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old vehicle. You'd have to press the "start" button to turn the engine off.
What GM forgot to mention was the only virus likely to be picked up in a modern car is the common cold and whilst contagious it is difficult to give to the whole world.