I N C I D E N T A L L Y:
We have heard of an airline pilot who thinks that he is bright and is ”with it” regarding the latest jargon but he is having problems.
Last year he upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which he'd used for years without trouble.
Apparently these two systems conflict and do not back each other up. His server has several attachment points.
The only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off, but to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Golf 2.0 and Amsterdam Stopover 6.3.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better, Girlfriend 3.0 with many bugs and left a virus in his system, forcing him to shut down for several weeks.
Eventually he tried installing Girlfriend 2.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 only to discover when these two systems detected each other they causing severe hardware damage. There was also a software problem called Error 69.
Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fianc”e 1.0 only to discover to his dismay that his system required rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0. However, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources, it does come bundled with Nightime Goodies Plus and Cleanhouse 2003.
But imagine his disappointment on discovering Wife1.0 can be unstable and costly to maintain, any mistakes he makes are automatically stored in Wife 1.0's Hard drive and cannot be deleted; although they can then resurface months later.
Wife 1.0 has Explorer and also a powerful search programme call Gotcha.
Wife 1.0 also automatically runs Photostop and Whingezip and no option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving him to try and guess the fault for himself.
The system footprint needs upgrading regularly requiring Dressshop Browser Pro for new attachments. Hairstyle Express requires to be reinstalled every week.
It also refused some of the new games and attachments he wanted to try, stating they are an illegal operation.
When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to Lotus 7 it often crashes or runs the system dry.
Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off.
Recently he's been tempted to try Mistress Millennium add-on, but there could be problems. If Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress Millennium, it will delete all MS Money files before un-installing itself.
Another thought was to join Lufthansa and use the on board Internet during the crew rest periods to contact ”friends”. Failure on seniority was suggested.
He is now on shorthaul as night stops are out.