Following last week”s series of Christmas crackers we have been inundated with more. The editor confirms that this is the last list. He just can”t take it!
Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor!
Doctor these pills you gave me for BO.
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping out from under my arms!
Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish.
Poor sole!
Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!
Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift!
Well tell her to come in.
I can't she doesn't stop at this floor!
Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish!
Doctor, Doctor I'm boiling up!
Just simmer down!
Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
I never make rash promises!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle.
I see your point!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bee.
Well buzz off I'm busy!
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which one?
Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!
Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet.
Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease!
Doctor, Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing.
I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that!
Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot.
Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!
Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar.
Well I can't believe that!
Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show?
Absolutely nothing!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the window...!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber band.
Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there and tell me all about it!
Doctor, Doctor I've a split personality.
Well, you'd better both sit down then!
Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible.
Which sister?
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire.
Necks please!
Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do?
Saw the legs off of your bed!
Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold.
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel.
That's shocking!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm.
How boring for you!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly.
Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!
Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places.
Well don't go back there again then!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar.
Don't worry you'll soon change!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth.
Get out of the way, you”re in my light!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider.
What a web of lies!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a snail
Don't worry we'll soon have you out of your shell!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed its skin.
Why don't you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then!
Doctor, Doctor, what happened to that poor boy who swallowed those coins?
No change yet!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a goat.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a kid!
Doctor, I think I'm shrinking!
You'll just have to be a little patient!