In spite of Tuesday night we are going ahead with this one.
1 When the team is winning everyone will want to buy you a drink and be friendly. You are the King.
2 The media really want to be nice and say that trust is everything. Your comments are completely ”off the record” (never, never believe that one).
3 Your high profile can even help you get into Parliament as did David Evans, a former Luton chairman. Mind you, you have to perform once you are at Westminster (David Evans again).
4 Depending on the status of the team you can be big in the local community, or indeed big in the country (too many examples to list here). The ”in” restaurant always has a table and you may even be a ”guest”. One smart chairman got a knighthood (Alan Sugar).
5 At all away matches you are guaranteed parking and the best seats in the stadium. The boardroom food is usually somewhat better than that offered to mere fans (and at your place). It”s free and comes with a plentiful supply of alcohol.
6 You have the final say on the new season”s kit (although a sponsor might just lean on you).
7 If your team does badly it cannot be your fault. Sack the manager. If it is doing well your choice of manager was superb.
8 If you are smart and have good lawyers you can use a company pool car and possibly get away with driving offences. (ABTN refrains from mentioning any names).
9 If you are a lady chairman or chief executive you have first choice of some expensive stallions (see Birmingham City).
10 You can go to anywhere in the world, fly first class if your club can afford it, and stay at the best hotels. Take your assistant (wife, girlfriend or helper). All in the search for a new utility player. You have access to match tickets via the FA (typically Portugal). But if you do keep your mouth shut at all times and say nothing controversial, it can land you in trouble and is really a reason ”Why Not”. The case of a Newcastle United chairman says it all.
And Ten Reasons Why Not
1 The job could shorten your life.
2 If the team plays badly it is your fault and there is no way you can influence self-righteous arrogant referees who claim to be incapable of making a mistake.
3 Agents are the curse of your life either trying to bypass the manager or sending solicitor”s letters claiming a cut on a player your club never bought!
4 I can be a very expensive pastime with the fans expecting you to put your hands in your pocket all the time. Get your team up to the Premier League, celebrate, give it to your son and then leave the country. If it goes down the next season it is nothing to do with you and at least you have had your bit of (expensive) fun. See Wolverhampton Wanderers.
5 If your club is quoted on the Stock Exchange it”s the chairman who takes the knocks when profit figures are not reached and the shares go free-fall.
6 It”s also your fault that your team purchased the wrong player. The manager never told you he was blind in one eye ” The manager that is, not the player.
7 Keep your house address private. Some so-called fans have a very low mental state (sadly a mention of Luton again with another former chairman abused in his home).
8 The food and the accommodation at the stadium are not up to scratch. The parking facilities are poor and there are big traffic jams getting to and from the ground. Once again the chairman”s fault.
9 The chairman of the visiting team complains about the facilities and seating offered for himself, his girlfriend, his girlfriends” friend and boyfriend, the ex-wife”s stepson and his bank manger. And they take three points.
10 You will get no credit for success. That was due to the manager or possibly The Board.
And finally the deputy chairman needs to be watched. He fancies your job.
Tell him he can have it!