I N C I D E N T A L L Y:
Our request for Bob Hope aviation jokes has not met up with much success with this prize perhaps summing it up. It dates from 1942. He obviously was not that keen on travelling by air. The Queen Mary and the Queen Elizabeth were his preferred means of crossing the Atlantic.
On landing in an aircraft that had lost its engine he had this to say. ”I had a laundry problem. I don”t mind telling you".
We are indebted to Gerry Fallscheer who sent us a list of one hundred Hope jokes (from a portfolio of 80,000) published in the Melbourne Herald Sun. Here are just a few. Imagine it was the droll Hope saying them.
”I was destined to be an actor. The day I was born I stood up and took a bow. Really. When the doctor slapped me, I thought it was applause”.
”Jobs didn”t come easy. For months at a time I forgot what work I was out of”.
”I”m so old, they cancelled my blood type”.
”My act is known all over Europe. That”s why I went to America”.
When asked who wants to live to 100 ”Anyone who”s 99”.
Television. ”That”s where movies go when they die”.
At the Oscar”s: ”I never had a chance this year. I can”t drink like Lee Marvin, grunt like Rod Steiger, enunciate like Sir Laurence Olivier ” and when it comes to Richard Burton, I”m really in trouble”.
”I don”t mind losing, but I hate to go home to my kids and explain how the actors I”ve been sneering at all year beat me out.”
”Age is only a number. However, in my case, it”s a rather large number”.
On hearing a report in 2000 that he had died: ”That”s not true. Is it?”
”I think it was General Eisenhower who said that there are three stages of life: youth, maturity and ”God, you look good.”
On turning 75: ”Only the other day my doctor told me I have the heart of a 30 year old. I want to thank the guy in Houston who donated it”.
”I like the idea of turning 95. Consider the alternative”.
On turning 100: ”I don”t feel old. In fact I don”t feel anything at all until noon. Then it”s time for my nap”.