INCIDENTALLY: More nuts!
This one is not new but is a revised version of an old favourite.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ”gripe sheet”, which tells the mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, the pilots reviewing the sheets before the next flight. However when it comes to dealing with less than bright flight deck operatives the well trained and articulate engineers are well up to the task.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And we thought we might throw this in. No comments please!
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question. "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."